Welcome. Everything said during this chat will be treated in the strictest confidence.<div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Hi there how can I help?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Really depressed low can't sleep my gambling is out of control, I've done a act of gross misconduct in my workplace to obviously feed my habit and really I just see no way out.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Your in the right place. I'm really sorry to hear this. Gambling is so evil and destructive. It makes sense why you can't sleep. Gambling robs you not only if money but your health and fills you with anxiety.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I'm a compulsive gambler who hasn't gambled in over a year but I'm very familiar with the pattern of depression and anxiety that Gambling causes.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'm 28 and just feel I lived no life due to gambling its ruined my fucking life I'm a support worker and its grinded me down so much that I've went to the act of stealing I feel so fucking broken I can't open up to my family in fear of disownment<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I feel you. Your sxperiehce is unique to you but I was 13 when I started gambling. I cabs to Ga when I was 18 stayed around for a year or so and it then took me over two decades to come back.  In that time I caused a lot of damage and misery.  It changes your character and makes you do things you never thought you would do. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Exactly I've lost a job that meant alot to me now I'm scared of falling into a whole were I can't afford to live, having to tell people why I don't work anymore it's driving me fucking insane <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  ... and now your scared your family will disown you and you have ruined your life. I get that but I can assure you there is hope and support out there.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  You lost your job... they found out?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'm constantly lying to family to get money out them, they haven't found out yet I'm under investigation<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  But evidence is clear as day<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Trying to hide my mistakes constantly all because of this horrible fucking illness<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I want money were I can just to have my next hit<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I didn't think I would stoop as low as this<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I'm guessing you feel if the evidence is so clear it would not help to confess to your employee your mistake and your illness so that you can get the help and support you need.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  (Forgive me for my typing errors I type fast!)<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Everything ruined for me though probably police investigation that's something I don't want<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'll have nothing left<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I can't say for sure as I don't know fully your situation but I would hope that if you took steps to get help for your problem and confessed to your employee what had happened/ the police they may take a different approach with you<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'm supposed to be in a trust of caring for someone I've broke every rule in the book<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I've not ate in days only drank on numerous occasions its killing me inside <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I know well the dephs gambling can take you too. For me I opened accounts in friends and family's names (although I used my money to pay) but still. Gambling adduction gets you to do crazy things. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I've never stooped this low, people will look at me differently <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'll have no one left <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I can't imagine how that feels to break every rule in the book.i worked in social care/social Work so I can only but imagine how you could be driven from caring from someone which you set out to do to be driven to steal. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Where do you live Huntellar?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  It's just strange I've never ever thought I'd do this and my gambling was still a big thing when I first started <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I live in edinburgh<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I don't want to distract you from talking as it sounds like you need to talk and be sure I'm here listening but would you be up for going to a GA meeting to get support. It's the only thing that worked for me. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  And now I'm trying to cover up everything that would help I guess is everything we say anonymous<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  We have meetings all over Scotland every night of the week.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It sure is anonymous.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Great<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Confidentiality is very important.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  As you know from working in social care. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I just want to rid myself of something terrible<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  How long has this been going on for?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Since I was 18bor 19 I'm 28 now<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  It started off only 1 pound bets on a Saturday to now 10 here 20 there 30 there upto 100 s<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I get you Bro.i waw spinning roulette wheels at £1000 a time it's tragic. Like you I started on 10p machines  etc. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Won my first big bet when I was about 20 won about 2,500 and chucked it all back to the bookies<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  That's the thing aa a compulsive gambler we can't gamble normally. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Then last November won 10000 again same thing <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  We can never quite hit the collect button.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Never enough is never enough <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Yh I've went from £100 to £7,000 and then £0 or in debt in minutes.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It's never enough. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I cna never jeep money as well when I do buy myself something it will always be something expensive as I feel I may not get it again<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'm in debt with so many companies even the bank took put a 5000 loan just to bet <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Would you be up for going to meeting tomorrow in Edinburgh?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Now I put gambling over loans<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Ie today<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yes please give me detaisl<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Paying back the loans<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Would you mind sharing your phone number. I can get a local member to meet hot before the meeting/call you so your not walking in blind.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  (You)<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yes 07724391963<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It's central do you know Nicholson square<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yes I do<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  What time is it at<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Funnily enough it's one of the 1st ga meetings I ever went to over 20 years ago. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It's on at 715pm<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Let me get you the details. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  That's great<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Epworth Halls, 25 Nicholson Square, Edinburgh, EH8 9BX.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Cheers<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It might be a positive tomorrow too that...<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  They are celebrating a pinning as part of the meeting.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I really hope so I just want to cry man I'm so stressed nervous can't sleep<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Basically one guy has stayed off gambling for 1 year and will be presented with a pin as part of the meeting. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  So you will get to hear about his journey too.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Aww that's great<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I hope it inspires and encourages you. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I need something my worry is that I'll never he employed again<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  If I hadn't been going to a pinning myself tomorrow in Dundee I would have come along too.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  That would have been good, yes my worry is I'll never be employed again after this<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Well I'm not an expert and can't give any professional opinion here but my gut feeling having trained as a social worker and a counsellor is that anyone who didn't give you a 2nd chance or whatever you want to call is forgetting the reason they went into the profession: to look beyond the masks and circumstances and understand why people do what they do and help them become the best version of themselves. You have a lot to offer people. You made a mistake but your not a mistake.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  But yeah I think I've lost everything all over a bet my mum chucked me out when I was 18 my stepdad used to batter me black and blue for years it scunnered me I don't speak to my mum my grandad took me in when I was chucked out he was the greatest guy to give me a chance I used to run to bookies everyday and he would walk past and drag me out of everyone on portobello High Street, I then moved in with my GF and the strain on our relationship is toxic because of my gambling<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  As for the debt naturally they are on your mind and its natural to think gambling is a financial problem but its far more than that. You can get good advice tomorrow about how to deal with your debt... like citizens advice, trust funds etc etc. But one step at a time. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  My grandad will disown me and that's the last thing that will throw me over the edge<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I've never been the most likeable character either don't know why but people judge me based on how I am just now if they see what I had done I'd be jumped about<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Sounds like the people who should have loved you the most have hurt you the most. Your grandad believed in you,  maybe the only one who you felt really has, and the thought of him disowning you almost makes you want to give up and disown yourself?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Definately the one guy I owe my life to took me in when no one else didn't man sat here crying thinking about it all <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  My GF knows what I've done as she works same company as me and I just had to get the guilt of my shoulders it was a burden holding me back<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I'm sorry you have had to hold onto not only this guilt but the pain of not being believed in and being disowned by your mother and mistreated by your stepfather.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  The fact of it is when I've spent all my money I try and find loopholes to try and get someone else's money like I did with the guy I support<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  That's what gambling does.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Its just not me I'm ashamed embarrassed sad feel disgusted, feel like I want to end it but I think it's because I got caught<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It changes your character. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Perhaps the positive amongst this pain is that it has led you to reach out for help rather than continuing the life you were living.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Which sounds like it was full of misery.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yes it was constantly out with my gf didn't want to spend money because I wanted to go to bookies spend it there what a way to live your life<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Then I ask her for a borrow once all mine is spent then I'm due her back next month and it's a revolving circle<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Torture huh. How long has that cycle been going on for. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Was it horses you bet on?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  About 4 years<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Started football bets l, then went to horses then went to darts then ice hockey, basketball I'd want to bet on 2 guys scrapping outside bookies<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Then I started putting 60 pound luckys on 100 pound 4 fold on the darts ice hockey it's madness<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I have to send my GF my money everyone as I'm scared I spend it all it still happens anyway because I pump about 700 of my wages into bookies send her the rest <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Everymonth*<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Then still ask her for a tenner a day 20 a day 30 a day just to feed my habit and I lie to her what it's for<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  And how long did you say this has been going on for again? <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  About 2014 when we moved in together<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  The amd thing is I worked in a bookies and guess what I was sacked from there aswell<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  It's a impulsive illness <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Sacked from.bookies for...?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Same thing take money next door to willie Hill and spend it in there<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  But I can't kick this habit I thought I would have learnt from last time but no it's just so hard to stop the urge I get withdrawal symptoms aswell I've tried everything exercise, playstation but I can't stop gambling<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I'm sorry inshouldnt be telling you all of this I just haven't opened up this much to anyone before<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Yes I tried everything too.nothing worked except F<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I meant Ga.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I tried doing it on my own for many years and it was a disaster. I couldn't control it. I was kidding myself on.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Bet you have never met someone as bad as me resorting to stealing to feed my hhabit<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I needed to be around people that understood me and could journey with me on the way. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Sure I have.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  We have guys in pridin<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Prison<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  That's somewere I don't want to go<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Guys who have guys who have lost jobs,houses, marriages.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Women too I should add.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  There's 2 places I thought I would end up in prison or in a box<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  It's tragic really but there is hope.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I'm so glad you have made the step to talk tonight.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  You deserve better.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I think I deserve what I get but thats my mentality<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I constantlybfeel sorry for myself aswell, I've the biggest let down in the world <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  You deserve what you get...maybe that's your stepdads mentality that he has 'shit' onto you. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  You didn't deserve any beating <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Or this to happen to you. <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Things happen for a reason I guess <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I believed when I was youmgerb<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  That I would have a amazing job amazing house kids everything<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I can't drive because gambling comes first and I don't want to spend money on lessons don't have my own house my GF house that she pays a mortgage for I have nothing to show for the 28 years of being on this earth let down after letdown<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Maybe the hardest thing to say is I was let down in this world when I was younger and it led me to to feel a failure and that I was unwanted. I've went onto make choices i am not proud of that make me feel I'm a let down.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Could be or could be because all of my life choices have been misjudgement after misjudgement<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Do you have your own house? Do you drive.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I don't have any mates aswell which is the saddest thing on all this not 1 <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Not had any pals growing up which I feel really sad about when I think about it I just want someone to give me a chance and like me because although I am a addict I am a thief I'm not that bad in all honesty <br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I drive yh but only recently got my house through a miracle and I'm 43. I stayed with my parents until I was 42.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Well done you<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  You will have the opportunity to make good friends who understand you at Ga.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I really hope so because I think thays what I really need to let it all out<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  I really don't want to open up and say I'm a thief though<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I will pass your number on and get someone to msg/ call you to arrange to get you to this meeting. I will take a note of your number also so I can follow up withyour you got onif that's OK.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Don't want people to judge and look at me differently<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Is huntellar your name or nick name?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yeah that fine mate appreciate it Nickname my name is Keiren<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Nobody is going judge you<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  We have all been there in one way or another.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Ok cheers<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Do you have WhatsApp?<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Yes i do<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  I will end the chat for now and send you a booklet which might help you in the meantime. You will get this booklet tomorrow too at the meeting. I will pass your number on too.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Mark B.</strong> :  Take care Keiran. Your very brave..there is hope.<br></div><div style='font-size:16px';><strong>Huntelaar</strong> :  Appreciate all your patience with me thanks <br></div><br>== This Chat Has Been Closed ==<br>Press "Exit Chat" to return to homepage.